The "Lasts"

Our little Jack is growing up. He will be 16 weeks old tomorrow and 4 months in about 10 days. How time has flown by. Those first few months were so sweet, but such a blur. It's kind of sad that you spend those first few cuddly weeks in such a catatonic state. Oh well! Jack seems to be developing and changing each day. He's able to grab a toy and put it in his mouth, laugh at the silly noises we make and mimic them back to us, hold up his head like a pro and sit up with help...and so much more.

His latest BIG accomplishment is sleeping through the night. He'd been sleeping 6-8 hour stretches for a long while, since about 9 weeks, but this time he's going for the long haul with 10-11 hours at a time. This has happened for the last 4 nights! At first, I found myself cheering and excited for the first 8 hour stretches of sleep I've gotten since maybe 6 months pregnant.

But then it hit me...Thursday night was the last time my baby woke up to nurse in the middle of the night. A "last" has happened along with this first sleeping through the night-a last night where it was just Jack and me in the quiet stillness of the house while everyone else was asleep. A last night where I snuggled my sleepy nursing baby at 2 AM and stroked his downy head and soft arms. I know he'll most likely wake up again in the middle of the night and need a cuddle or some comfort, but we probably won't go back to those routine feedings again. (Watch me write this and tonight get up to feed him!)

We celebrate and take note of the "firsts" in life, but do we pause to recognize the "lasts"? They tend to go by quicker than lightning and often unnoticed until they are over. But are they worth any less recognition? I don't think so.

Karen Kingsbury, a noted author of Christian fiction, has written a book about the lasts of childhood, titled Let Me Hold You Longer. Kingsbury reminds parents not to let those lasts go by too soon...that the moments we have with our children are precious and fleeting.

"Long ago you came to me,

a miracle of firsts:

First smiles and teeth and baby steps,

a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away

and leave me to your past,

And I will be left thinking of

a lifetime of your lasts...

...Precious, simple moments and

bright flashes from your past-

Would I have held on longer if

I'd known they were your last?

...Let me hold on longer, God,

to every precious last."

Would I have held Jack a little longer last Thursday night, stared at him in the darkness, and listened to his soft, sleepy breath if I had known that it was the last night I'd nurse him in the middle of the night? Would I have reveled in the warm solidness of his little body on my shoulder a little longer before returning him to his crib? Probably so...you see, I don't love change and it's hard for me to let go, despite knowing that it's a real part of life.

I can't go back to those moments that have gone by, but I can savor every sweet one ahead, knowing that I'll be celebrating the firsts and the lasts along the way.