Manna for the Day

I would love to say that I live each day for the day, but in reality, I am a hoarder. Not of old clothes or household items that "might be used again"...but of resources, tasks, and time. I know this might sound odd...so here's what it looks like for me.

*Feeling the need to complete all the tasks on my "to do" list way before they are due. And often doing it...or getting really frustrated with myself when I don't.

*As soon as I see that we're running out of something in the pantry or fridge (but not totally out) it gets added to the grocery list for the next shopping trip.

*Stocking up on groceries and diapers at the store when they are on sale, even though we don't have the money or space for them...just because it feels good to have them on hand and to have gotten them for a good price.

*Wanting to be way ahead on the household bills so I pay them as soon as they come in.

*Hating to use the savings account for anything!

*Trying to cram in so much during one of Jack's naps that I neglect just sitting and reading a book or being quiet for a bit.



Those are just tiny ways I hoard. I love to know that tasks have been checked off, that the house and bank account are stocked up. But why? Security. I seem to find security, or a weird sense of it, in completing tasks and having things stored away.

Enter Jack.

When Jack was born, LeGrande and I decided that I would take his first year of life off to be at home with him. Thankfully, I have a job that allows me to take a year of maternity leave off. Once my paid days ran out, I stopped getting a paycheck, but we'd saved some knowing that we'd need to dip into it during this year since me taking off a year would be cutting our income by more than half. Now we are on one paycheck. We don't have the money we had before. Stocking up means that we use money that is needed for other things during the time we are living on each check.

This is hard for me...hard for my sense of security that I think I provide for myself. Hard to change my lifestyle and habits. But I think God is trying to teach me something. I think He's trying to teach me that He will provide enough FOR THE DAY.

Enough money to buy groceries that we need for the week. Enough money to pay the 1 or 2 bills that are due that week. Enough money to give to our church or missionaries we support. Enough for the day.

It doesn't just end with money. It's also about time and tasks. He has shown me, the perpetual list-maker and list-striker, that with a baby, I can't do all I used to do in the time I used to do it in. There are some things that can wait till tomorrow. Some naps will be short and my tasks will be cut short too, but that's okay...REALLY?!?!? Yes, really really.


Today, I needed to pick the green beans from the garden before it rains and while Jack was taking his morning nap, which he is still taking. I'd tried to do this yesterday but Jack only took a 45 minute morning nap which led to a not-so-fun day for any of us. I was worrying. Today, as soon as he went down, I carried my bucket out to the garden to begin picking. I had the monitor with me, listening for a move. I found myself rushing, shaking even, as I picked beans. I stopped and thought to myself, "What are you doing?" I realized I was rushing because I was so worried that I wouldn't get finished before he woke up. I wasn't enjoying it at all, and I usually love working in the garden. That's when I started thinking about all this, and I felt the Father gently remind me that He provides enough for the day. Manna might come in the form of time to pick beans, sweep the floor, or just sit and read a book. He reminded me that we've always had enough money to pay the bills and buy groceries, and that He will help me make wise choices when I shop, even laying down that great deal on chicken breasts because when we need them again, He'll provide them.

This hurts- it goes against everything I've been for so long, but I know that there is actually freedom in it, if I will allow myself to be taught and if I will act on what I am learning. Today has enough worries in it for today..don't worry about tomorrow.

Looks like my year off teaching will be a year as a student...learning some faith and life lessons that I've needed for a long time.