It's been two weeks since my last posting...and although many of you know what has been happening in our lives, I feel that unless I post a little bit about it, that I cannot just get right back into blogging about the light and often "superficial" things of life.
LeGrande and I discovered in early April that I was pregnant with our first child. After 19 months of trying and praying, asking others to pray, going through the ups and downs of infertility, and learning to have hope, our prayers were answered! We were thrilled that after we had taken some of the first non-invasive medical steps to correct some hormonal imbalances in me, that we got pregnant fairly quickly, over Spring Break, to be exact! :) We knew for 5 weeks about the baby, and for 5 weeks, we were the happiest couple in the world. We were so excited, and could not wait for our little December baby, who we'd affectionately called "LePetite", to be born. We "met" him on the ultrasound three times and loved watching that little heart beat and those little legs kick.
I had a miscarriage last week, on May 15th, right as I was at 9 1/2 weeks. We have had it rough, and the past two weeks have brought emotions to my heart that I never knew existed. The great joy of motherhood still lives there, but there is a pain and emptiness there that is deeper than I ever knew I could feel. We know God is very present with us, and that it is okay to be totally honest with Him about our confusion, anger, and desire to have a living, healthy baby but how that hope is often clouded with doubts and pain. We have a great network of friends- many who have experienced miscarriage and some who have not, and they have been wonderful in terms of validating our feelings, even the ugly ones, and giving us great stories of God's faithfulness and hope for our family to grow again. Our family has been an incredible support, and I know we could not walk through this without them.
We won't get "over" this, but we will walk THROUGH it and heal. We'll treasure our little LePetite and getting to parent him or her, and we'll continue to hope. If you pray, we'd love your prayers...
The Sprouts
9 comments:
Love the new look of the blog but love you more. I'm praying for you Sarah....call me ANYTIME!!
I have been and will continue to be praying for you!
You KNOW I am praying for you...
Love you,
Laurie
Sarah,
You need to go to the bring the rain blog. i think her latest post will mean a lot to you. I love you.
www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com
Sarah,
You have been in my thoughts and prayers SOOO often lately. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, but I DO know what it is like to doubt and question and be angry and jealous and feel your heart breaking. So in that way, I know how you feel. Below is a devotional I got in my email today. It was so encouraging to me, that I could not share. I hope we have a chance to see each other sometime soon. I feel like you are a sister to me (maybe because you are!!). Miss you girl!
May 29, 2008
Escaping the Stress Trap
Celebrate the Battle
By Mary Southerland
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)
Friend to Friend
I once saw a refrigerator magnet that said, "I know that God promises to never give me more than I can handle. But sometimes, I just wish He didn't trust me so much." When trials come and life seems hard we plead with God to deliver us from the problem when many times, His plan is to deliver us in the problem. Praise does not depend upon an understanding of the circumstance or trial. Praise depends upon an understanding of and faith in God.
As humans, we will never fully understand God -- this side of heaven. God is holy and without blemish. God is all powerful and omniscient. He is Creator of the universe and yet lives in me. He is the only true, living God! We may understand some of His ways and comprehend the reasoning behind some of His plans. We may even come to the place of knowing him on what we call an intimate level, but a full understanding of God is reserved for heaven. Until then, we walk by faith, not by sight. We praise him in the darkness, knowing that the light is just ahead. We trust him for things we cannot see and turn to him in the valleys. Honestly, the thought of serving and relying on a God I can understand is not a reassuring thought.
Most people who know me well would describe me as a strong person, someone who can usually handle what life holds. I thought the same thing until, in 1995, I found myself a powerless, prisoner of the darkness as I battled clinical depression. It took me two long years to climb out of that pit and not a day goes by that I am not reminded of that wonderful, horrible time. One of the many lessons I learned from my "pit experience" was that I cannot depend upon my own strength or my fickle emotions. God often asked me to praise him when, as far as I could tell, there wasn't a whole lot to praise him for! I didn't feel like praising him. I began to understand that praise is not a feeling but a choice, a step of obedience taken without the assurance of a changed circumstance or the elimination of a trial. Praise focuses on God, not the circumstance, and fixes its gaze upon God's truth and God's character instead of the trial at hand or just ahead. That is why we can celebrate the battle before it begins. The outcome is neither our responsibility nor our goal. Praise begins and ends with faith in the very nature, personality and integrity of God...and that never changes.
No matter what lies ahead, God is faithful. No matter how hot the fiery trial may be, God will deliver us. No matter what man says or does, God loves and accepts us. So praise God! Thank him today for every victory tomorrow holds! Celebrate - knowing that the battle belongs to God and because of that single truth, victory is certain.
Let's pray
Father, I praise You today for all that You have done in my life. You are faithful even when I am faithless. Your love pursues me even when I am unlovable. Your forgiveness covers my sin and frees me from its penalty. Lord, teach me to praise You and to see and understand the power of that praise. I want to bring You pleasure, Father. I praise You for Your love and faithfulness to me. Your presence in my life changes everything, empowering me to live each moment of every day, content in knowing You are in control. As I face today, Lord, remind me that no matters what happens, I can praise You! In Jesus' name, Amen.
Sarah, you have been on my mind since I learned of your miscarriage. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
I pray. And I am privileged to pray for you. I came over from Emily's blog when I read your comment.
We lost our first baby, to miscarriage at 10 weeks. After having thyroid surgery, we conceived again and had a healthy baby boy who is now 2. In March we had a healthy baby girl. We found out we were pregnant with her 3 years to the day that we lost our first baby. I felt like it was a surprise gift from the Lord and like He was saying, "I have not forgotten your tears over the first baby."
We are now able to count that baby as gain instead of loss because of our great big God and the way He blessed our family and our marriage because of it. I pray He will do the same for you.
Sarah,
You know I grieve with you in this. You know I have also shared my struggle with infertility and I can't even imagine what this feels like.
I send you tissues, hugs, prayers and a big cup of hot chocolate to comfort you.
I will continue to pray for you. I keep up with how you are though Caroline. A friend of mine gave me the verse Hebrews 10:31,32 when I was going through an extremely tough time. I am praying for you!
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