A Chapter Closes, A Chapter Opens

Today is my first day of maternity leave. I haven't had baby Jack yet, but since I am due in 8 days, dilating, and showing some other signs of impending labor, my doctor, principal, and I decided that it would be best for me to leave BEFORE things happened, rather than AS it happens. I am sure that most parents would agree that it is best for 6 year olds NOT to witness water breaking or their teacher in labor pains.

Yesterday was surreal. I woke up, drove to school, and taught like it was any normal day. I told my class first thing because I didn't think they needed to be surprised at the end of the day with the news that their teacher was leaving. I'm glad I did, but they were upset all day. I ate lunch with them and cracked up at their stories, enjoying their little personalities and thinking about how much I would miss them.

Finally, the end of the day came...we gathered up on the carpet for a picture on the self-timer on my camera. Two "serious" and two "sillies"...the camera is in the hospital bag in our car so once I pull it out, I'll stick a photo in this post. We said our good-byes and I promised to bring baby Jack in to meet them when he gets a little older- maybe at the end of the year.

Then, the watergates broke. Everyone was hanging in there just fine until one girl started crying- LOUDLY. That did it. Crying is contagious if you are 6. Soon, not just one, but almost everyone was wailing as loud and as mournfully as they could. Even the tough boys. For the most part, it was very real. Other teachers came running to see what was wrong. I hugged, and hugged, and wiped tears, and hugged some more, trying to herd my students towards the buses that were already loaded. You would have thought that I was leading a group of professional mourners in a procession. They were a mess. I was really sad, but held it together for them. I hugged each child again and put them on the buses, then felt tears building up behind my eyes. I went back to my classroom, finished up some work and organizing for my maternity leave sub, and took one last look at my classroom. I still felt like I would be back tomorrow. It just didn't feel real, but it made me sad. On the way home, my watergates broke.

I am thrilled beyond words to have 18 months with Baby Jack. I can't wait to have time with just him- time that I won't ever be able to reclaim. However, this change is huge for me. I'm not a person who has been dying to be a stay-at-home mom ever since they had their first baby doll. I TAUGHT my baby dolls. Every day. Made them worksheets. Brought home discarded textbooks from school so they'd have books. I have loved teaching ever since I can remember. I know I was made for it, and that God blesses my teaching. I enjoy the challenges and the way I structure my time. I enjoy the interaction with the kids and my colleagues. Thinking about being alone at home, way back here in the country away from others for 18 months is scary. God will have to show me a "new normal"...open new doors and new friendships. I know He will. It's a new chapter and a new chance to walk closer with Him.