Blow in Hope

Today is Sunday. The rain from yesterday is gone and the sky is blue again. For the first time in 3 weeks, I went running this morning. Yes, this morning...we played hookey from church and stayed home, watching Stanley on TV, journaling, my run, and finally a brunch of yummy multi-grain pancakes, bacon, and fruit.


My run was great. I didn't RUN the whole time...but hey, I was sick with the flu for 2 weeks and took it easy as I returned to the world of working out last week. I've got a 10K to run in 3 weeks so I've got some catching up to do to prepare for the big day, April 5th. I was able to run about 3 miles of the 4.75 though, so that is not so bad!


Sometimes Sunday morning runs are more worshipful for me than church. Our church is great, but I crave quiet, stillness, and solitude. I can go to church, see friends, sing and listen to a good sermon, but still not connect with God. I can do it on runs like this, so this morning was a treat. My soul felt restored. A gentle breeze was blowing, the temperature was perfect, and the sky was blue and full of puffy, racing clouds. Buds are forming on trees, daffodils are out in droves, and branches of forsythia, quince, and pear blooms are at their peak. Spring will be here on Thursday- the official beginning of a new season. It's also the week of Easter, heralding new life, restoration, and new hope.


A new season...I crave it. As I look back on this winter, it strikes me that it was a season of mourning and grief. It began with what I believe was a very early miscarriage for us, though we will never know for sure; was quickly followed by my grandmother's death in mid-January; and then came the two month roller coaster of emotions as I started taking Clomid, hoped for a pregnancy, and was disappointed twice. The second disappointment happened this past week, which is why my blog has been abandoned for nearly a week- I just did not know what to write that was okay to post online for everyone to see. It's been a hard week, very painful and one that has zapped my emotional energy. I've taken my third and last round of Clomid which I admit I think is in vain, but I'll do it one more time. (For those of you who have not been on Clomid, it's side effects include basically PMS on steroids for about a week, so it is awful for both the taker and the husband of the taker- and probably the students of the taker.)


On the other hand, it's been a good week, because LeGrande and I have had some good, honest talks about where we are in all of this and have made plans to visit a fertility specialist who is more than a regular OB/GYN and will help us formulate a plan for what to do next and whose office concentrates on women struggling to get pregnant. I feel like even though we are still walking a hard road, we've made a few turns and can keep going. God is with us, and He is holding out hope.


So blow in, Spring. Blow in a new season. Blow in Hope...Blow in Healing...Blow in Life.